ROTARY YEAREND BULLETIN

The "Holiday" Fundraiser was held on December 25th at the Roger Sherman Inn. Many of us were wondering which -- of many -- holidays was being celebrated on December 25th. On the way to the Roger Sherman, many of us passed God's Acre. There was a Christmas tree and a Menorah. But we saw no Kwanzaa decoration. And we wondered. Research determined that a Kwanza is a unit of Angolan currency. We suspect one can find a sample at the foreign-exchange department of the new Webster Bank or Citibank. The question of which holiday became crystal clear when we heard many of the nice folks, paying $58 per plate, saying "Merry Christmas" to each other. We think if was the Christmas holiday. 'Nuff said.

A lot of Rotators, spouses, significant-others and slaves (Rotarians' teenagers) showed up to help cook, serve, bus, bartend, clean up and handle the myriad of other tasks that most of us have no idea how to properly perform. But we managed. Somehow. The teenagers were a great help. Thanks for showing up, guys and gals. And adults, too.

There were some highlights on Christmas Day.

Dr. and Mrs. Painless had scullery duty (that's dishwashing). Remember that the Doc is just five weeks out of some nontrivial surgery. We heard no crashes -- from a dropped rack of dishes -- as we did when Skip had the duty a few years ago. Painless cleaned up, big-time. So did Faith, Hope and Charity.

The Roger Sherman Inn pianist was there. He played brilliantly. During his break, Scott (the Hobbs raised- by-wolves) seized the in-house microphone. We had anticipated he would recite "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" for our guests. Instead, he educated them about African culture in the form of the "boogety" histoire. Some of the kids didn't understand it. But some did. Ooops!

Bartender Rucci Sr. received an order for two frozen banana daiquiris. He refused. No way was he ever going to try to deal with it. We were going to put in an order for a Singapore sling, but didn't. It has a great number of ingredients. Too many for an attorney.

Amy gave some of the Rotary staff a lecture about arranging strawberries on a plate. It was informative. If you ever need to know how to organize fruit, call Amy, at the bank, 203/863-2674.

Ben Bilus, Andy LaSala (and many others) worked in the kitchen. Andy wore a starched, white chef's coat -- from his own wardrobe. He looked very snappy. We didn't realize that Andy has multiple careers.

The Roger Sherman staff WERE GREAT! Without them, we wouldn't have been able to carry this off for the past five years. Mucho thanks to Der Fuhrer for his continuing generosity and great Rotary spirit.

Speaking of spirit, the RSI bar stayed open, for a little while, after the event. Some of us needed to relax a bit. It's nice to have a drink -- on Tom's tab.

BOXING DAY:

We were advised that, on Boxing Day, President Gerald Ford had died. The cable news channels went berserk, with coverage about this. Everybody chimed-in. And, no matter what their politics were, they all agreed that he was a pretty good guy. But some of the mainstream media tried to urinate on that thought on Thursday.

This amanuensis remembers when President Ford was falling off of the steps on Air Force 1, crashing on a ski slope and whacking a spectator with a golf ball. "Saturday Night Live" made leads out of these stories. And the media said that President Ford was so uncoordinated that he couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time. Shortly thereafter, Betty Ford announced she had invented a new method of birth control. Every night, at bed time, she gave Gerry a stick of gum. This is true. And it worked for Betty.

DECEMBER 28 IRREGULAR MEETING:

Yes, we were told that the Roger Sherman Inn was to be closed on December 28. But that didn't matter. Jim Azzarito's favorite-porch-in-the-world was open. And cold. Some of the faithful showed up. No fancy luncheon for us that day. Pizza was ordered from Pinocchio's. Franco's delivered a quarter keg of Bud. The flag was on the flagpole. We pledged. Ad wasn't there, so we heard no good words. But we had pizza and beer. And friends.

And, this week, we had another tragedy. James Brown, the "Godfather of Soul," passed away. In his honor, we played Rob Bartlett's James Brown-sounding recording of "Big-Butted Woman." It brought a tear to most eyes. Mr. Brown will be missed.

But we had a speaker.

No-show Nance wasn't there, but Ken Campbell had reached out to his contacts on the Left Coast and introduced Paris Hilton. Snazzy. Paris spoke for all of four or five minutes -- about kissing women. During this time, she had said the word "like" 47 times. Electronic Andy K. asked why she said "like" so much. She responded with a flying karate kick to Andy's jaw. He later reported that Paris didn't appear to be wearing anything under her short-short-short skirt. But who was looking? Andy lost two teeth and is looking for a dentist to help fix his face.

On the way out, Paris asked Didier (if you are a friend of the EP, you can call him "Chris") for directions to the Roger Sherman's pool and spa. Didier offered her directions to New Canaan Cleaners for removal of the pizza, beer and drool stains on her clothes.

Happy New Year, Folks!

Respectfully submitted,

Sen. John Edwards

PS: Art Duel has proposed Laura Rubinfeld for membership. Laura is the executive director of the New Canaan Board of Realtors. Both missed the "Holiday" fundraiser and Paris Hilton. But Paris wasn't that good.